Irish Dave - Rules for Dealing With Desperation Hamish & Andy 17 October, 2008 - 4:53 PM

This week Irish Dave has come up with some brilliant rules for keenos! Here's Dave and his Star Chamber's rules for desperate guys to hide their desperation! Has he hit the mark?!

 

"A girls sense of smell covers 2 things above all else - a bargain at the shops & desperation in blokes - its why you always think that girls seem much more interested in you when you have a girlfriend - they can tell that there is no desperation - Desperation is the anti-cologne.

One of the guys in the SC suffered from an affliction of being overly enthusiastic when chatting to any girl - he therefore reeked of desperation, girls could tell & he needed help.

So we had to establish a few rules to help him relax when he was chatting to girls and to make him appear more confident - The Walk Away Rules:

Scenario 1: The "Walk Away"

So the premise behind the Walk Away is that if you are chatting up a girl, only do so for a few minutes and say "lovely to chat to you, better get back to my mates, talk to you later" - no matter how much you like her & you go back to your mates - it's a big gamble, but it will pay.

Girls like a guy to be interested but they love a guy who is only slightly interested and a bit nonplussed - it makes them more interested in you - that's just the system!

You create an aura of confidence which covers up for your Woody Allenesque anxiety.

You can talk to her again later in the night, having set out your stall that you are not desperate for anything to happen but if its does, happy days!

Now at this point one of 3 things will happen.

If she is interested, then she will position herself in your general vicinity thereby giving the unspoken word that she wants you to leave your mates and talk to her.

It's known as a "Come Away" and has been made famous in the Norah Jones song.

However, there is another possible outcome of the walk away and must be managed closely.

Scenario 2: The "Stay Away"

If she says, I'll see your "Walk Away" and raise you a "Stay Away" you may have to go back into the Lions den to re-establish contact - You have yourself a Mexican Stand-Off.

This is a dangerous mission and fraught with the dangers of rejection in front of your peers.

The upside is that she just wants to maintain her pretence of not being desperate & you will get kudos for having the guts to go back for a 2nd chat without her encouragement - it tells her you are keen & man enough to face down a possible knock back.

Scenario 3: "Home or Away"

So if you have been successful in your endeavours then you may be in that most sought after of scenarios - "The Home or Away" decision - you are to be congratulated!

Unfortunately there is of course one other possible scenario:  The "Go Away"

If she isn't interested at all and wasn't interested in the first place you will find yourself remaining self employed and you will be on the receiving end of a straight forward and uncomplicated "Go Away."

So in Synopsys:

A successful Walk Away - can lead to a Come Away & even on to a Home or Away!

But an unsuccessful Walk Away mis-diagnosed as a Stay Away will lead to a Go Away."

(24) »

• James says

  How the hell is he still single??

  If he understands a womans mind that well, I cant believe that hes not a proudly taken man!!

  Posted Friday 17 October, 2008 5:34 PM
• Bron says

  SMASH IT!!!!!!!!

  Posted Friday 17 October, 2008 6:02 PM
• Steve says

  He could be a girl disguised as a guy... cos i dont know anyone who understands women THAT good... not even most women

  Posted Friday 17 October, 2008 6:10 PM
• aldi says

  Again, the star chamber has come up trumps. Great rule mate, this is the rule i need...

  The star chamber knows all and hail the irishness of Dave!

  Posted Friday 17 October, 2008 6:53 PM
• Hannah says

  irish, good-looking, funny... WHY is he single?

  Posted Friday 17 October, 2008 8:45 PM
• Tracey says

  I think he is so funny

  Posted Saturday 18 October, 2008 1:30 AM
• Marta says

  yeah, lots of girls want to ask him out! maybe its from past experiences

  LOV U HAMISH ND ANDYYY

  from Martar 11yrs

  Posted Saturday 18 October, 2008 8:21 AM
• Lauren says

  James...because he's a player.

  Posted Saturday 18 October, 2008 2:51 PM
• Celia says

  Irish Dave sounds so intelligent and sexy. I'd take him.
  We could cuddle up by the blazing fireplace and read T.S. Eliot together at night.

  Posted Sunday 19 October, 2008 1:38 PM
• Alex says

  He's the Aussie blokes answer to Carrie Bradshaw.

  Posted Sunday 19 October, 2008 4:46 PM

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